Here’s a fun list of kid-friendly jokes to use as a daily start for your classroom, to place in your child’s lunchbox, or for a much-needed cheer-up.
Looking for a printable version? Scroll to the bottom.
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What did the wig store do after it got robbed?
They had to replace all the locks.
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Kitten.
Kitten, who?
Are you kitten me? Just let me in already!
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What is a taxi driver’s favorite weather?
Hail.
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Why did the sea turtle cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
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What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style?
Hip-hop.
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What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That really hit the spot.
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What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look! I’m changing.
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What do you call a cow playing an instrument?
A moo-sician.
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How can you get warm in any room?
Just go to the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
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What do you get when you cross a snail with a porcupine?
A slowpoke.
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Why couldn’t the skeleton go to school?
His heart just wasn’t in it.
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What did the duck say after she bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You’re welcome!
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Why did two 4s skip dinner?
Because they already 8!
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How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side!
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Why did the old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
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What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?
Ruff!
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Why did the triangle feel sorry for the circle?
Because it’s pointless!
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What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here, I’ll go on ahead.
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Why can’t you send a duck to space?
Because the bill would be astronomical.
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Why is grass so dangerous?
Because it’s full of blades!
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Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher told him it would be a piece of cake!
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What did the Dalmatian say after dinner?
That hit the spot!
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Why did the teacher need to wear sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright!
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Why don’t the circus lions eat the clowns?
Because they taste funny.
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What fish only swim at night?
Starfish.
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What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me.
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What’s a carrot’s favorite soda?
Root beer!
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How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
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Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Spell.
Spell who?
Okay, W-H-O!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don’t know the words.
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What does a triceratops sit on?
Its tricera-bottom.
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How does a bee RSVP to a party?
With a may-bee.
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Knock, knock.Who’s there?
Owls go.
Owls go who?
That’s right!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
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Why did the football coach yell at the vending machine?
They wanted their quarter back!
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What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
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What do sprinters eat before breakfast?
Nothing. They fast.
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Weirdo.
Weirdo who?
Weirdo you think you’re going?
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How do spiders know everything?
They look it up on the web!
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What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear!
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Why did the pony get sent to his room?
He wouldn’t stop horsing around.
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What did the librarian say when a book fell on their head?
I have only my shelf to blame.
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Why did the robber wash his hands before he left the scene of the crime?
He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Where do cows go on Friday nights?
To the moo-vies.
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Why couldn’t the pony sing well?
Because she was a little hoarse.
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Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them!
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Knock, knock.Who’s there?
Howl.
Howl who?
Howl you know unless you open the door?
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What kind of tree can fit in one hand?
A palm tree!
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How do you keep a basketball court cool?
Just fill it with fans!
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What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
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Why did the picture go to prison?
Because it was framed!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s just a joke!
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How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away his credit card.
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Knock, knock.Who’s there?
Venice.
Venice who?
Venice your family coming home?
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What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry!
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Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
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Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel not working?
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Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they’re two-tired!
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What do you call a fish with no eye?
A fsh!
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Why is a leopard bad at hide-and-seek?
Because he’s always spotted.
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What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
Twister
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What do you do when a lemon gets sick?
You give it lemon-aid!
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Knock, knock.Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream who?
ICE CREAM SO YOU CAN HEAR ME!
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How does the ocean say hello?
It waves!
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If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
A bagel!
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Knock, knock.Who’s there?
Weekend.
Weekend who?
Weekend do anything we want!
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What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese!
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How do little bees get to school? They take the school buzz.
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Why do astronauts feel claustrophobic?
They just need a little space.
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore wasn’t opened so I knocked!
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How did the students feel when they learned about electricity?
Totally shocked!
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Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body home?
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Did you hear about the woman whose left arm was cut off?
She’s all right now.
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What do frogs order at a fast food restaurant?
French Flies.
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Why is the acute triangle always frustrated?
Because it’s never right!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you asking so many questions for, just open up!
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Why did it take so long for the man to eat a clock?
It was very time-consuming.
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Why can’t you trust burritos?
Because they always spill the beans!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Scold.
Scold who?
Scold outside, let me in!
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Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball!
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How do you astronauts get a baby to stop crying?
They rocket!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
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Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his money?
Because he was a little shellfish!
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What kind of fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries!
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What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
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What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
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Why was the calendar afraid?
Its days were numbered!
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Why is a snake difficult to fool?
Because you can’t pull its leg.
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anyone want to let me in?
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What did the pirate say when he turned eighty?
“Aye, matey!”
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Why did the cookie go to the nurse?
Because he felt crummy!
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Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs!
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Why did the man throw his clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Icy.
Icy who?
Icy you in there!
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What kind of socks to grizzlies wear?
None. They have bear feet.
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What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
A mushroom!
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What kind of key opens a banana?
A mon-key!
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What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!
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What can you catch, but never throw?
A cold!
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What has two legs but can’t walk?
A pair of pants!
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What did the cat say when it fell down the stairs?
Me-ow!
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Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools!
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How can you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
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Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school!
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Why can’t a hand be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
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What do you take some of and leave more behind?
Footsteps.
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How did George Washington cross the Delaware?
He rode his seahorse!
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Why does the mushroom get invited to all the forest parties?
Because he’s such a fun-gi!
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What is a twin’s favorite fruit?
A pear!
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Did you hear the one about the angry pancake?
He just flipped!
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What is the difference between a cranberry farmer and a pirate?
One treasures his berries, the other buries his treasure!
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What’s a mummy’s favorite music?
Wrap music!
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What’s the difference between a B in England and a B in the US?
An English B is a letter of the alphabet, while a US B plugs into your computer!
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How do you steer a rowboat filled with puppies?
With a doggie paddle.
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